After I Left


After I left my blog for the night, I pulled half a dozen books from my shelves and made a nest for myself with blankets and pillows. Armed with a mug of strong Yorkshire Tea, my notebook and pen, I lost myself in research for my poetry show. From 10.30pm until 3am I read and I read and I read, scratching down notes and staining my fingers with ink. The silence was utterly exquisite, as the rest of the world around me slept. It was exactly what I needed.

I woke up this morning and remembered all of the things my friends online (that’s you) had told me, and I found that I was able to let go of the pressure that I had clad myself with like a lead suit of armor, and which I spoke about in my previous post. I felt lighter – mentally, emotionally and physically – and more at ease with myself. By 9am I was at my desk and forging ahead with the book I’m currently writing, putting down a few thousand words, most of which are shit, but they’re words all the same.

Your comments and messages also made me consider a lot of other things too, like those draining feelings of envy that nudge in when I see people around me who appear to be riding one wave of success after another. I reminded myself that envy is nothing but wasted energy, and that I could put that energy to better use by taking care of myself…so today, I had some little moments just for me. I prepared some props for a photo shoot. I played around with my hair and tried out some new styles. I took a tea break and enjoyed a piece of stollen while updating my fashion blog on Tumblr. I went for a run in the rain. There was no time for envy or feelings of hopelessness…I was too busy enjoying my day. And there’s going to be no time for envy or hopelessness tomorrow either, or the day after that… I leave you with this quote from Eric Roth. I think it’s quite apt.

 “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” – Eric Roth




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