I didn’t know if I would be writing a post today or not. I need to start off by saying that I’m sorry for my silence. What I’ve been feeling the past days has been impossible to verbalise. Being someone who rarely gives up I tried and I tried and I tried. The other day my Mother asked what it was that was making me feel this way. The only response I could provide was ‘everything.’
Sadly, I’ve noticed some OCD tendencies starting to creep back and I’ve been finding it difficult not to scrutinize my body, which in turn has made me start to feel anxious about my food intake. I’ve pulled my back out too, which has me in quite a lot of pain. I also found and read an article which I wish I’d found and passed onto my ex boyfriend several months ago. It was an article about how to cope with a partner who has depression and anxiety. It did what I was unable to do, which was to spell everything out clearly.
Despite it all, I’ve had a few successes this week. I’ve stopped pushing myself to stay alert and working until well into the evening, and have started to go to bed earlier with tea and a book. (At the moment I’m reading Penguin Classics: American Supernatural Tales.) I’m also doing well not to multi-task when I’m trying to relax. Now I’m watching Vikings with both hands in my lap, and I give all of what I can give of my attention to the storyline. These might seem like minor things, but for me, they are significant.