Depression has been throwing her iron cloak over my shoulders far too often of late, and my mind has been a place that the bravest man would fear to tread. But, the other day, I made a list of things (you can see the list below) that I feel grateful for…and as I listed the different items, I felt the cloak become lighter and lighter, until I could sit straight and say aloud ‘actually, there’s been a lot that’s good in my life this week.’
It was my intention to make a video about this yesterday, but everything went to shit…so I’m telling you about it here instead. To be honest, I have taken so much for granted and I’m going to make a determined effort to take a moment, every day, to recognize what I have to feel grateful for.
- The poetry anthologies Being Alive and Being Human.
- The fact that the Human Resources Department at Acne Studios in Sweden took the time to get back to me and let me know that I hadn’t been successful in the job that I had applied for with them. The majority of the time I get no response at all.
- My mother’s help. She taught me how to ‘put my hair up.’
- The music of Swedish black metal band Istapp.
- The music of Finnish black metal band Kalmankantaja.
- The artwork of Jana Heidersdorf.
- Artist and musician friends of mine suggesting collaborations.
- All of the comments on my blog including the following comment about my poem Last Rites. This is so moving and evokes a number of emotions….. heartfelt and humbling. I would like to share this if I may. And this comment about my hair being up. This updo suits you so well ! You look eerie and from an other time, especially on those desaturated pictures, I love it 🙂 What were your mother’s tips that allowed you to succeed ? Like you, I never was satisfied following YouTube instructions, so I gave up the idea… Perhaps you could provide a video on your channel, I’m sure long-haired people (or at least myself) would be interested 🙂 And this comment on my Arctic Mermaid portrait. Beautiful ice queen 😀
- Being recovered from anorexia and able to eat stollen and homemade brownie without feeling like a fat fucking failure.
- Having so much support from the Swedish black metal scene with the creation of my book Hyperborean Shadows: Contemporary Dark Northern Culture. I have, in the past few weeks, been approaching Swedish black metal projects and asking if they would like to be involved in my book…and the majority of the responses I have received have been so encouraging and genuinely kind.