Things I Am Grateful For

Depression has been throwing her iron cloak over my shoulders far too often of late, and my mind has been a place that the bravest man would fear to tread. But, the other day, I made a list of things (you can see the list below) that I feel grateful for…and as I listed the different items, I felt the cloak become lighter and lighter, until I could sit straight and say aloud ‘actually, there’s been a lot that’s good in my life this week.’

It was my intention to make a video about this yesterday, but everything went to shit…so I’m telling you about it here instead. To be honest, I have taken so much for granted and I’m going to make a determined effort to take a moment, every day, to recognize what I have to feel grateful for.

  1. The poetry anthologies Being Alive and Being Human.
  2. The fact that the Human Resources Department at Acne Studios in Sweden took the time to get back to me and let me know that I hadn’t been successful in the job that I had applied for with them. The majority of the time I get no response at all.
  3. My mother’s help. She taught me how to ‘put my hair up.’
  4. The music of Swedish black metal band Istapp.
  5. The music of Finnish black metal band Kalmankantaja.
  6. The artwork of Jana Heidersdorf.
  7. Artist and musician friends of mine suggesting collaborations.
  8. All of the comments on my blog including the following comment about my poem Last Rites. This is so moving and evokes a number of emotions….. heartfelt and humbling. I would like to share this if I may. And this comment about my hair being up. This updo suits you so well ! You look eerie and from an other time, especially on those desaturated pictures, I love it 🙂 What were your mother’s tips that allowed you to succeed ? Like you, I never was satisfied following YouTube instructions, so I gave up the idea… Perhaps you could provide a video on your channel, I’m sure long-haired people (or at least myself) would be interested 🙂 And this comment on my Arctic Mermaid portrait. Beautiful ice queen 😀
  9. Being recovered from anorexia and able to eat stollen and homemade brownie without feeling like a fat fucking failure.
  10. Having so much support from the Swedish black metal scene with the creation of my book Hyperborean Shadows: Contemporary Dark Northern Culture. I have, in the past few weeks, been approaching Swedish black metal projects and asking if they would like to be involved in my book…and the majority of the responses I have received have been so encouraging and genuinely kind.

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