It is midnight. I told myself I would have an early night but it hasn’t happened that way. But it’s alright. It’s alright because this evening has been filled with the kindness of strangers, and despite the waves of emotion that have been smashing over me throughout the day, I’m actually ending it feeling something other than shit…and I wanted to tell you about it because, well, my readers feel more like family as the days go by, and it feels important to tell you about what’s happening in my world because you are now, in my head, very much a part of it. Anyway.
I have been blogging since 2004 (I started on LiveJournal) but it has never been as integral to my life as it has been over the past month. When I was growing up there was no internet and I kept diaries. I wrote thousands and thousands of pages over the years. I poured my young soul into books that nobody but I would read. (Except for my diaries during my anorexia years. People the world over have read parts of those, but that’s another story for a different day.) Sharing my inner most thoughts with you, my dear readers, has helped me more than any therapist could. (And believe me when I say that. I’ve had a dozen or more over the years that I’ve suffered with ill mental health.) The support I’ve received has lit little flames in my darkest days and for that I am forever grateful. So thank you. Thank you so, so much.
Tonight I have been working on my biggest project to date, a book entitled Hyperborean Shadows: Contemporary Dark Northern Culture, and have managed to arrange a number of interviews for when I am in Stockholm next week. All of my interviews for the book thus far have been conducted via email, so it’s going to be extremely exciting actually sitting down with bands and letting the tape recorder roll. I have a lot of preparation to do, but I’m feeling invigorated and ready. This book is an extremely important part of my existence. It gives me a reason to get out of bed. It gives me a reason to not just lie down and let life pass on by.
This evenings soundtrack has been a varied mix of black metal and folk music. The song I’d like to share with you is by a talented musician and good friend of mine called Sara Dennis. It’s called A Ballad of Swords and Shields. It will creep into your soul and stay there.