Life upsets me sometimes.
Today I feel as if my emotions have been twisted and bound into enormous knots
that sit in my belly and chest, heavy and damp and root like.
I feel miserable and naked and burnt out.
I wonder if the questions I have asked the world are hovering in the ether,
dimming like fireflies at dawn.
I wonder why nobody wants to speak my name, or look me in the eye, or take my hand and give me a chance.
I wonder why nobody wants to walk with me over the hill and beyond.
I want to stop sitting and waiting and opening and shutting an empty box over and over and over.
Sometimes I feel like a melting glacier.
Like sharing my feelings is giving up all of the corpses I have held onto for so long.
Other times, I feel like a wolf – shy, bewildered, who just wants to slink
soundlessly between the trees and disappear.
Now, right now, I feel like listening only to the mountains