Before I developed anorexia, I was always looking out for my younger siblings. As the eldest, I took my responsibility very seriously. I’m not proud to admit that I punched a few faces, but back in the day if anyone started on my sister and brothers it would bring out the monster in me. I wouldn’t stand for it. However, my defensiveness wasn’t to last. As I grew thinner, protecting my siblings from bullies dropped to the very bottom of my list of priorities. I started to lose interest in anything associated with them. I would never fully listen when they had something to say. My head was too blocked with anorexic shit to let anything important though.
It didn’t take long for the roles to be reversed. Instead of me protecting them, they protected me from being harassed for my strange behaviour and emaciated body. It’s very weird having your younger siblings take the role you occupied for so many years. My brothers and sister grew into their bodies and became tall, healthy individuals, where as I kept on getting skinner and stooping lower and lower to the floor. Soon they were towering over me. Owning the role of the protector seemed like a memory lost a long time ago.
The situation won’t ever return to exactly like it was before I before, but nowadays I care about what happens to my siblings. I’m still small and a bit fragile nowadays, so I won’t be packing anymore punches, but they know that if it came down to it, I’d put my life on the line for them all.